basedgosh:

*randomly feels pain on a random part of my body* oh god here we go im gonna die

imanes:

weird how lighting a candle can make u feel marginally better like ur still feeling the same but at least there’s a candle burning… nice

generallyhuman:

sonypraystation:

baetology:

Describe your perfect date in detail.

ideal date: it happens

What is my perfect date? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years; she’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

tigerator:

ritavonbees:

tahtherednosedtrickster:

just-shower-thoughts:

The moral of Rudolph the Red nose reindeer is that no one likes you unless you’re useful.

rudolph the red-nosed reindeer as capitalist propaganda: discuss

rudolph was already exactly as useful as the other reindeer. the moral is deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable

shootyeah:

“you had no childhood if you didn’t watch that movie!” I start to feel it. my memory is fading. I have forgotten the day I learned to ride a bike. I forget my first day of kindergarden. It has happened. I had no childhood